Happy Valentine’s Day!

Whether you are single or taken, I hope you will fall in love with the one in the mirror first. It sounds simple, but what does that even mean? The way you feel about yourself and the way you speak to yourself in your head have a huge impact on your relationships, no matter what your status.

When I started on my spiritual journey so many years ago, I was always told how important it was to love yourself. On the surface, this seems simple and obvious, but…I had no idea how to actually go about it. I want to share with you the things that helped me move toward self-acceptance, to self-appreciation, and to self-love.

If you are highly critical of yourself and beat yourself up over mistakes, you will attract others who do the same. Trust me on this. If you hate feeling criticized and judged by others, then shush your inner critic first. Allow yourself to be human and learn to laugh at your mishaps and imperfections. Being genuine and fallible will make you so much more relatable and likable. Do you enjoy spending time with people who seem to be perfect and uptight? People who never lose their keys or have a messy house or say anything embarrassing on Zoom? Those people make me uncomfortable. So, if you can allow others to be imperfect humans and enjoy them more, then you can do the same for yourself. Bonus: the less harsh and judgmental you are with yourself, the less judgmental you will be toward others.

In talking will clients, I am often surprised and saddened by the deep shame people carry inside. What if you realized that you are far from alone with these feelings and that you just need to take baby steps toward improving these things you feel so deeply embarrassed about. Heal, don’t hide.

The book The Four Agreements really helped me heal my need to please. The lens others see you through is often a projection. Once you learn this, you can be yourself without trying to win approval from anyone who doesn’t appreciate and value you.

This last one is a big test. I had to work at this and sometimes it made me cry. Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” and mean it? Do this every day until it becomes your truth.

If you can start following these steps to improve your self-appreciation, I promise that all of your relationships, and future relationships, will improve.